Confession spotlight time/of the unwed mother crime/unnecessary shame/that I wouldn’t claim/because I’m not a fool who cares about what others think of me.
I was proud of my angelic baby/and I will always be grateful/for the gift that was entrusted to me/the privilege and honor of motherhood.
Their judgement can’t stain/my greatest pride is in the birth of my child/No one can erase the grace that was lent to me.
God did not judge my child’s precious worth/because of the lack of a man-made document/the holy grail of a marriage certificate/means nothing but words paper.
Tell the truth and shame the devil:
The truth is I was scapegoated/blamed for their choice to judge and criticize/for causing shame to their clannish pride/But I cast it off like the devil’s lies/that you and I and my sweet child were all born evil in sin/deserving of eternal punishment/without god’s mercy.
I’m sick of that ancient toxin/that cursed us at birth/Sex is not a sin/it’s natural and has purpose/not only for procreation but as an intimate expression/of connection and bonding./We aren’t meant to be alone and die alone in this world./Marriage is a social convention and man-made invention/ it’s not set in stone/It’s a legal and financial contract so what?
You don’t have to be married to give birth/Birth is a miracle that’s supported by nature/There is no shame in being an unwed or a single parent/ My family tried to convince me to marry the father of my child who I didn’t love/but I didn’t want to lie or promise a lifetime of union/with someone who never understood me.
Promises are sacred not to be broken./ Marriage should never be about convenience/it’s not a business contract/although it’s treated that way by some.
That’s something my family could never comprehend/They think status, position and wealth are granted to only Christians/As an earthly reward/I think Jesus would disagree/My brother shouts Blasphemy! How dare you!/You sacrilegious witch!/You gray haired hag!/ Is what he basically said to me/ the one who used to be my greatest hero.
My gray hair is a sign of wisdom/remember Moses and the burning bush?!/Hahaha!/In my mind I debate him/with what I should’ve said/ How I could’ve counter-attacked his dysfunctional logic/blaming me for our mother’s cancer!/But it’s a form of crazy-making/ It’s an argument that I’ll never win with him or them/Because they’re incapable of thinking outside of the Bible.
I’m the scapegoat that carried their shame/I thought I was to blame for not following their course/ I apologized for existing as I am/ For decades I did that.
I even whispered it to my mother’s corpse/ “I’m sorry for not being the daughter that you wanted me to be./I love you Mom.” May you Rest In Peace/finally free/No more worries/no more sobbing/no more praying/ no more howling/to god who loved us silently/invisibly helped us to survive.
I didn’t force my mother to worry and feel sorry for me/I didn’t ask for or deserve their judgmental pity/I’m free of all of that weight/of not amounting to anything that they deemed worthy/I’m free of apologizing for doing nothing wrong/but living my life as I see fit.
I’m finally all grown up now/ I’ve earned my silver wise crown of gray/I’m not the abandoned orphan anymore.