Poem: Mother’s Day 2020

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Preface: I wanted to participate in the eulogy for my mom at her funeral in March of this year but I wasn’t invited to share my thoughts. I wish that I had spoken anyway. I wanted to read a poem for her but I felt unable to within the religious and Korean traditional environment.

There were 3 sermons given at her wake and funeral. I went through the services and prayers out of respect for her beliefs but it didn’t comfort or resonate with me. I received and accepted the judgement of my mother’s church friends who told me how much my mother worried over me and I could see that they viewed me as a fallen woman. I knew this would be the experience going into it but I’d go through it all again to give my last respects to her.

Writing about this on my blog has been deeply therapeutic. I’m very thankful to have a supportive community here. Recently I was inspired to celebrate her life in an alternative way (by a wise person who writes beautiful poems on WordPress, thank you Nadine❤️).

So here is my belated eulogy poem, (I was going to read a different, shorter poem, but this is a new one). Happy Mother’s Day, Everyone🌸

Mother’s Day 2020

I believe you’re elated now where you are/that you still exist as an ethereal/beaming like a star/freed from the gravity/of this cloud-swirled ephemeral, blue-teared world.

You always loved to sing and laughed so hard/I can still hear you singing in the marmalade tiled orange kitchen/or there you are in a photograph with your little sister/your sweet sparkling eyes are crinkled in wrinkles/crow’s feet joy arrows/making the room golden.

Your outspoken mouth is smiling/wide open with pearled teeth shining/I loved your fierce courage/to stand up for yourself/You were an unstoppable tigress for what you believed in/I know I learned that bravery from you/Thank you for teaching me that without even trying to.

The deeper you cried, the harder you laughed/I learned that resiliency too/Laughter is an inner knowing release/that all will be right again/it’s a natural dose of medicine/from your soul that knows/we’re all from an infinite source/that we’ll reunite with again/I believe this.

I loved your child-like innocence/I also inherited that from you/it keeps my heart hopeful/helps me to survive the lies in this world/detoxify, readjust/what the heart was born to know and survive/ triumphantly.

As long as we’re here we navigate/the binary of opposites/choosing fate/our roles of alliance/Thank you for teaching me about choice/I chose goodness based on your example/I know your heart’s intentions/I’m your child for as long as I live/I’m the angel that you guided into this world.

I’m relieved to know that you’re at peace now/ Finally you have unlimited wings/I bet you’re doing a hundred thousand good things as an angel again.

I’m relieved that you’re not burdened with unnecessary worry about me anymore/I know how much you loved me through worry/Mama did you know how much I loved you too?

Father said he had a dream of you/the morning after you’d passed/He said you looked young again/Beautifully radiant/We believe you’re in a place of infinite love/You’ve always deserved it/We’re all happy for you, Mama.

Welcome back to your true home/I believe you’re reunited with your beloved parents/ I know I’ll see you again/when I pass from this illusion/I know you’ve always been my friend/Thank you for loving me/and for giving me this chance to live and love again.

The original photo was a Polaroid so it’s a bit blurry but here’s my mother and me when I was 9 or 10yrs old, sitting together under a pink magnolia tree in our yard.